You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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