You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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