Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
