I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
