You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
foreskin is a definite game changer
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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