i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
