cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize