I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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