This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
