So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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