Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I intend to get homeless drunk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
