I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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