ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
