6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
