Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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