Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
where are my eyebrows?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
