Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
