Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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