i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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