Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
