if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize