No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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