I wish I only lived at night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Still dying that you shit outside
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
