1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if only i could text you this smell
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize