imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
