fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
