If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
