Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Girls should come with a carfax report
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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