Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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