If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
