she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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