I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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