I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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