first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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