I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
