just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
