Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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