maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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