DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
