you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
