I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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