Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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