is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
third nipple confirmed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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