i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
