Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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