i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize