I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
