I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
