Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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