Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
