oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
