He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
