I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
