I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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