oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
