You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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