You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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