Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
