do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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