You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
