How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
