His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
