Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
