He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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