All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize