Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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