Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
