you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
