There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
