Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we should paint friendship bongs
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