It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
