I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
