On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
