sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My vagina is very pro this idea
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
