shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
