If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
