Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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