Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I came so hard my ears popped.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize