Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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