Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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