Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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