cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
