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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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