It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sext me about skeletons
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
