I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
