You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
