so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
