i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
