I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
